Peelie Wallie

Written in response to Edwin Muir’s poem Scotland 1941

Mince and tatties, crispy rolls
Carnapcious stories that unfold
Toggs and Nardinis, Senga McCutcheons
Half eaten Short's pies in Barrett Homes' kitchens

Aye, but we're only five million strong
The World knows we’re here

Drooths, ditches, dreichs and dodds (oan the chin)
Loupin luggs someone's been done in
Caledonian souls, scrapes and swallies
Chanters in closes, corn rigs and barleys

Aye, but we're only five million strong
The World knows we’re here

Orange trains, purple busses
Sentimental sham bard o' the sham nation fusses
        "Who you lookin at anyway?"
Glakit, gallus-galls, breakin ice at Greta Falls

Aye, but we're only five million strong
The World knows we’re here

Listless Lachies, Balloch Highland Games' masses
" I'll gee you three rings and I'll meet ye at the bottom o' the brae."
Sent oot fur the messages
Strong peaty waters at Hebridean island feises

Aye, but we're only five million strong
The World knows we’re here

Boozers and birds, asylum seekin Iraqi Kurds
        Sighthill Cemetery
Mosques, Temples, Churches and Synogues
Staunch and hereditary like the Rothsay ferry

Aye, but we're only five million strong
The World knows we’re here

Thistles and missiles
Sare fechts and fitba fans' projectiles
(home made, golfballs wi nails)
"‘Here is the nightmail crossing the border"
"Aye until it wisnae cost effective!"

Aye, but we're only five million strong
The World knows we’re here

It’s just like what Ogden Nash said:
"Everythin's haggis in Hoboken."

Glossary: "Feises" is the plural of "feis" which is the gaelic for festival.  The pronunciation is "fish" with an e, ie "fesh".
Senga McCuthcheon is a truly fictional character and any similarities to anybody is purely coincidental

*